Blue Christmas

All Nick Cannon wants for X-mas is deafness, so he can escape "All I Want for Christmas Is You."

When making a list (and checking it twice) of the things I dislike most in music, there are a few mainstays: boy bands, auto-tune and Christmas music.

Before you bombard me with endearing nicknames such Ebenezer Scrooge and "dick for brains," I intend to fully explain my Christmas album disdain.  Take a look at that picture above.  That is Mariah Carey most likely lip-syncing her way through another cheery and vomit-inducing version of her X-mas smash hit "All I Want for Christmas Is You."  Even though it is played just one month a year, this song is a runaway favorite for most overplayed track in the history of music.  It appears in movies, television specials, parades, at sweater parties with hosts suffering from hearing loss and even in creepy Macy's commercials involving Mariah illegally seducing Justin Bieber.  It is harder to avoid than laughing at sports teams making socially conscious music.

Disclaimer: to avoid having your head slice-reverse-sliced off, please refrain from playing, mentioning or even humming that song around me.  Yet, if that song has one positive quality that sets it apart from most Christmas albums, it is at least a new and original song.  Every year there are artists from Michael Buble and John Legend to Arcade Fire putting out albums that recycle the same tired, old  merry tunes.  At least when jazz flute enthusiast and inspirational voice for the homeless ("Aqualung") Jethro Tull released their Christmas album attempt they wrote us some new music.

Musicians don't need to throw us Thom Yorke lines about reinventing what music CAN be, but just give us some new and modern Christmas tunes.  I guess many people find these familiar holly-jolly tunes to be a tradition akin to hanging Christmas lights or watching the old SNL "Schweddy Balls" skit.  I just don't understand why even bother putting out the 56,708th interpretation of "Jingle Bells" when I would much rather change your lyrics to "Batman Smells," at least that lyrical change was change.  There are always exceptions, for instance carols in movies.  Imaginary friends of the blog, Zoeey Deschanel and Will Ferrell, performed an enjoyable rendition of Baby, It's Cold Outside," in Elf if not for just giving audiences an "O Holy Night, they aren't half-bad singers" moment.

Luckily, for me my favorite radio station 93 XRT in Chicago doesn't just play the old-timey Christmas songs, they feature Christmas tunes in a "Holiday Nights" segment (nice Bob Seeger pun) that combines the new and original with the old and tired.  That leads to me finding gems like this number from the Blind Boys of Alabama playing "Last Month of the Year."  The style of this tune is nothing groundbreaking.  They rock a fun blues groove followed by call-and-response that tries to get to the bottom of the age-old question of when was Jesus born.  The backing vocal members try their damndest, to pin down the month of their Lord's birth by guessing every possible month to the lead vocalist.  Good for them, he's got the answer.    Even though it is originally a Kingston Trio ditty, The Blind Boys found a more obscure holiday jam than "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" and made it their own. Simple maybe, but awesome?  Totally!  We need more of this, musicians of the world. And please put an end to the Mariah Christmas Monopoly. 

 

I like to imagine my family placing the ornaments and tinsel on our tree while caroling to this song instead.  I have to imagine that my family dancing to blues-gospel music would look a lot like Navis Johnson (around 1:30).