Method Acting and The Tony Romo Audition

Afters years of watching the Bears put quarterbacks on the field to have performances like this. (6/16, 32 yds, 0 td, 4 int.)

Or drafting this guy 12th overall..

Watching Tony Romo's five interception game against Chicago last night left me thinking that his performance was a clear audition for the future role of starting Bears interception machine, I mean quarterback.  The Bears history of competitve play and winning records is astounding when their ghosts of quarterbacks past include Rick Mirer, Craig Krenzel and Henry Buriss.

And after Romo completed as many touchdowns to Bears players as current Chicago quarterback Jay Cutler did, he is looking like a prime candidate to be losing turnover battles in a Bears uniform in 4-5 years.

This play-doh like face still gives me nightmares.

To grade his audition as the future disappointment of Chicago quarterbacks, I called in Don Mccarthy - self-published movie critic and former casting director responsible for casting the roles of Sinbad as the postal employee in Jingle All The Way, 80's singer Tiffany in the Syfy film Mega Python vs. Gatoroid, and Robert Helpmann as the "Kid Catcher" in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. 

Seeing as I just created this casting director in my head, he was extremely eager to join me for a review of Romo's Monday night audition tape.  Are you ready for some callbacks?



Don: So what kind of role are we casting here?

Me:  Well, the future Bears quarterback should be someone who can give fans a false sense of control and arrogance, only so he can continually toss that unjustified belief into the wide open hands of a defender.

Don:  Ok, and has this role ever been played before, in a prequel of some sort?

Me:  This role has been filled just about every year since the kids were bopping in the dance halls (or since that phrase was last used).

Don: Alright, roll the tape.

After rolling clips from pre-game warm-ups and the coin toss, Mccarthy quickly cut into the soul of Romo and the motivation evident behind his performance.

Don:  He appears to be reaching a bit.  I don't want to throw the word over-acting about this soon, but all this hyper-anxious smiling looks a little forced to me.  Clearly he cannot be that happy at the prospect of being chased around by these behemoths attempting to dislodge his head from the rest of his body.

Me:  He likes to pretend he is.

After Romo throws his first interception...

Don:  I definitely admire his dedication to the character.  He is verging on a Day-Lewis like method acting by continuing to gain the crowds adoration and optimism only to accept their ire mere seconds later.  His commitment to placing the ball directly in the opponents hands is really quite transcendent.  See how he has made the character his own?

Me:  I think the joke has gone long enough and you should be goi-.....

Don:  He's transformed the charcter into the anti-hero the public obviously would love to focus their collective hate toward.

After throwing another interception that is returned for a Bears touchdown.

Don:  Just as you start to believe in him again, he expertly brings you back down again and completely breaks your will.  The allusions to a typical Shakespearean tragedy abound!

Me:  Are you still here?

Don:  The ineptitude of someone in a position of control and power strikes as an apt metaphor to the incompetent talking heads, politicians and beer league softball coaches we encounter everyday.

After Romo's 5th interception of the night and benching for the remainder of the game.

Don (wiping back what may be tears):  Welp, he nailed it.   Exactly what you are looking for in a Bears quarterback that will crush your soul.  I haven't been this sure in casting a role since I pegged Alf as the lead in Alf.

Me:  Please leave my house.

I wish he had taken over the Tonight Show from Carson.