This week loads of internet backlash has been hurled at SOPA (the Stop Online Piracy Act). This bill currently being debated in Congress would pose great threats to numerous user-generated sites like Youtube, Wikipedia, Funny or Die and Reddit as well as illegal music and video downloads. Needless to say, if those sites are shut-down or altered, it threatens weakly researched term papers, this blog and videos of talented individuals like this.
In honor of protesting this proposed bill, I devised a list below that Congress should be more focused on censoring and shutting down before they attack the web.
The WNBA All Star Game
-There are a bevy of talented women athletes in the world, but in no way is there a need to label these players as stars and subject television viewers to highlight reel deflected passes and layups.
Taxi cabs whose headlights look Cop cars in my rear-view mirror at night
-They must find it odd how every car in front of them slows down when they approach.
LMFAO
-I'm not sure how these guys are considered musical, talented or worthwhile. Judging by this picture, their talent may be standing stiff while wearing crudely geographic t-shirts.
TTYL
-Chances are this will be the name of a music group in the future that will once again leave me considering the benefits of going deaf.
The Miami Heat
- Enough said.
Anything Associated with Michael Bay.
-Even if that means going back in time to censor the original Transformers action figures. I would gladly trade in childhood joy to save myself from Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, Transformers 1-3, etc. Wait, he didn't direct Face/Off did he? Because if so I may need to take his face...off...this...list...ok good I checked IMDB, he's not associated with that masterpiece.
Celebrity Baby "News Stories"
-"Con Air star Ving Rhames names his new child Chobani, after his favorite Greek yogurt brand," is a fake headline I hope to never read. Wow, Jay-Z named his kid Blue Ivy and Chris Martin has a kid named Apple. Is that really considered news or is it just a way to remind us how very "artistic" and just plain effing weird celebrities are?
Judgmental Fast Food Employees
-Just once I would like to feel safe ordering a fine 50-piece chicken nugget meal, for myself, without getting a third-degree grease burn from the lady taking my order. I understand it is unhealthy and an absurdly large quantity of food, but if I wanted advice I wouldn't have skipped my doctor's appointment to watch that Married...with Children marathon last week.
Second-Hand Sports Stories
-Oh, you scored 14 points in the District Semi-Regional Opening Round Preseason Squash Tournament in high school? Not even your pet cactus would enjoy hearing you retell your old sports glory stories. Ed. note: Full disclosure if you played high school Squash I would love to hear about it, because I know nobody who plays that sport.
The Reality Show Ink Master
-Television networks seem to have lost any clue as to what might resemble quality programming with this reality gem. "Hey, let's get that alien looking guitarist from Jane's Addiction to host a show where we find the next great American tattoo artist!" "Finally a reality program that will find the person to fill that void there has been in American Tattooing for the past decade," says nobody except that guy sleeping in the bus station who has 5 head tattoos instead of hair.
The endless supply of small blogs on the internet....
-I mean, um, heh, ta-da, cue the video of a zebra dancing.
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