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| An artists rendering of Vonn Mexico, my pet gnome/best friend/ editor/future secretary of the interior |
After weeks of brainstorming (choosing on the first thing that came to my mind) and a heated debate between myself and the editor-in-chief of this blog (Vonn Mexico), I decided to start a new segment in which I will pick an acclaimed and influential film, post the first (or funniest) clip I find on youtube, then break it down for you on this blog with the wit, insight and depth that only a person like myself, who considers Fievel Goes West the major turning point of my life, can. I considered making the inaugural post in this vein Citizen Kane. But fuck that. Why critique the film considered the pinnacle of American cinema when you can instead critique the movie that Orson Welles famously referred to as, "The one thing I wish I had lived to see, with Arvydas Sabonis winning the gold medal a close second." (said to Maxim magazine in Marky-Mark's dream).
The year, was 1996, with the world still wrapped up in mourning the dissolution of the Funky Bunch, three years prior, Marky Mark Wahlberg proved to the world, he wouldn't disappear into the frosted-tips pages of boy band history. But instead he would bring honor to the Wahlberg house with a powerhouse performance as bad-boy David Mccall in the motion picture Fear. The following clip is one of the top hits on youtube.
00:01 - Unfortunately, I've never had the opportunity to initiate a shady meeting place on a random street corner/back alley/underneath a bridge. People are always picking strange meeting places in the movies. In real life it usually turns into, one person is to lazy to leave their house, so you meet there. Or you take it as an excuse to get a corn dog so you meet at the fair.
00:08 - "Beat around the bush," cheeky foreshadowing, just exchange the word bush for, beat yourself in the chest with nobody watching and you can skip the rest of this conversation.
00:20 - Is Gil Grissom trying to out tough a tough guy? He better start talking very quietly and furrowing his brow more if he thinks he can out Marky Mark the master.
00:26 - Gil sounded generally surprised by that. What? You insult me after I tried to put an end to your evenings of joy rides on joy rides with my daughter? But you were such a polite, clean-cut and respectful boy the rest of the movie....
00:35 - It's go time once someone stands up straight out of their Fonzi lean against their overtly and economically unbelievable classic car.
00:42 - You better wait a minute, Mark is waxing poetic here. "I'm hip to your problems." I think he borrowed that psychology line from Freud like he used to borrow song titles from the Beach Boys and beats from C + C Music Factory.
00:50 - Licking sweet tears doesn't really sound like something you should brag about Mark.
1:00 - He sure studied up on old Gil, if he only he showed that kind of commitment to not sounding so douchey all the time, he would be a likeable guy.
1:24 - I'm not entirely sure that's how friends are supposed to talk to one another. Seems unhealthy. Not once did you ever hear Bert telling Ernie he was going to rip his striped sweater or rubber duckie off and shove so far up his ass it would come out his enormous mouth. Well, maybe that was off camera, I missed Vh1's Behind (literally) the Puppet special: The Henson Confessions.
1:32 - 357 Red is not a very imaginative vanity plate Gil. The basic description of your 357 Chevy just makes it easier to fill out the police reports later.
1:37 - Are you intimidating Gil, or your left pectoral muscle? Because there is nobody there to ogle your triceps. If I was a neighbor on that street and walked out to that I would think he was having a heart attack vis-a-vis the SNL Chicago Sports Guys. It's less intimidation, more infarction. Was he ever considered cool?
